Are You Choosing Change?The best conversations with my kids happen on a mountain or in the car. This past week, while driving my son home from basketball, he began sharing how he failed himself during practice. When he started tearing up, I asked what he needed from me: Do you want to vent, or do you want me to provide some encouragement? His response was, "I don’t know." Encouragement it was! I'm happy to report the conviction of encouragement was enough to battle his negativity spiral. So, why did I ask him and not just encourage him? After fourteen years of parenting, I've mourned the loss of many stages in my kids' lives. The child before me leaves, never to be seen again. The updated version is as valuable as the previous one but needs something different from me. Taking the time to uncover their needs at each stage is the magic bean for healthy parent-child relationships. These transitional stages in our children's lives are drastic and impenetrable. We couldn’t stop them if we tried. Conversely, adult developmental changes are not so obvious and require effort. Life patterns, core beliefs, and biases dictate our behaviors, relationships, and self-care. In The Mountain Is You, author Brianna Wiest asks the reader, “Are you willing to change completely and never be the same?”. Like my children, I want impenetrable change thrust upon me without any choice in the matter. Sadly, this is not our reality. Significant change will only come through our attempts to transform our own lives. And, while I long to rise anew from the ashes of my old self, all the death, pain, and sickness I’ve become accustomed to in the past feels safe and comforting somehow. So, I feel inclined to answer Brianna Wiest’s question, “Are you willing to change completely and never be the same?” much like my son answered mine: I don’t know.
I have to appreciate how I've contributed to becoming who I am and also recognize that I'm “...no longer equipped to carry me onward” (Wiest p. 8) As I do for my children, I need to consider what my new self needs rather than respond as I have grown accustomed. Why is it so damn hard? More than anything, there are preconceptions I have engrained within me. I can certainly envision the woman, mother, or professional I want to be. Unfortunately, the vision of who I want to be is not as powerful as who I think I am. I have to consider the habits I’ve developed that support my current identity, the way my brain will naturally resist what is unfamiliar, and the unhealthy beliefs I hold. “What you believe about your life is what you will make true about your life.” (Wiest, p.18) What Do I believe?Surprisingly, I found many parallels between The Mountain Is You and Biblical scripture. Most significant was the author's declaration that “Your new life is going to cost you your old one.” (Wiest p.26), when compared to 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new one is here!”. More than anything else, I believe in Christ's power to transform me. I've seen Him work through me in the past and know He will again. I also believe the mountain ahead is long and arduous. It's not like the gradual mountain hike I frequent with my family. It looks more like a gentler version of Frodo’s journey to Mordor. There are lonely valleys where I overstay my welcome. My desire to stay safe and hidden outweighs my desire for growth and development. Mountain plateaus will leave me exposed and vulnerable, unable to press ahead without battling past trauma. Moments where I run for my life turn out to be moments where I’m running from myself. Deathly discomforts of my past try to lure me back. Steep and strenuous climbs remind me even slow progress is progress. Fortunately, gentle moments with conversation and support will replenish me along the way. No matter how lonely I feel, I will not be alone in this journey. Also, I will never have to persevere without being equipped to do so. A new shiny version of myself will not be handed to me. It is attained slowly, with great effort, and long obedience. The misconception about finally arriving as your future self will taunt me. I will never really arrive. I am always en route. Wiest says, “The objective of being human is to grow.". If she is right, this means two things:
Knowing this provides me a more concrete answer to Wiest’s original question, “Are you willing to change completely and never be the same?”. Yes, I am willing to change and never be the same. Living in opposition to change would contradict my human identity, adding unnecessary complications and conflict. Yielding to change, albeit scary at times, offers the most potential for advancement and simplicity. And, aside from Wiest’s argument, God also asks me to grow. Where do I Begin?My long, arduous mountain journey isn't timed, critiqued, or scored. While disguised as pain, torment, effort, and exhaustion, it provides freedom, light, life, and love. My highest potential self can impact this world in ways I could never imagine. While it may seem nonsensical to hold myself back from becoming this person, it’s part of the human condition. However, I don’t have to skydive into the thick of my mountain with limited supplies. I need to take one step toward my future self. Then repeat, without ceasing. One of the exercises Wiest shares in her book is to meet with your highest potential future self. In doing this, you can examine the core values and life principles needed to find your way to her. Unfortunately, we often waste time in battle with ourselves because our values and life principles are misaligned. Our core values try to will us toward the vision of who we want to become, while our faulty life principles hold us back. We mistake a step sideways or backward for a clumsy step ahead. An illusion of progress becomes more harmful than acknowledging the reality of our incongruent selves. Without the ability to see the truth, we become stuck without even knowing it.
the greatest gift I can give. As adult drivers, the car may no longer be our sacred space for conversation, but we will always have a mountain to meet on. Life Alignment WorksheetIt seems there are three crucial steps toward positive and healthy personal growth and development:
I created this worksheet to structure these three steps. Working through them will outline what is next for you. The only thing left will be to take action. Taking action will require you choose change.
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The Simplicity Survey is a tool I created to measure a baseline complexity level for five different areas: spiritual health, mental health, physical health, homebuilding (building healthy familial relationships), and home management. The development of this tool started with my ideal vision for each of the five areas listed above. The survey questions evaluate how far I am from each vision. The results assume the farther away I am, the more complex that area of my life is. Conversely, the closer I am, the greater simplicity I'll experience. The survey score is a complexity score. The higher the number, the greater complexity. The lower the number the greater simplicity. Will this work? I don't know. It's a theory. Any good theory requires time, evaluation, and research. However, I do know these three things: 1. Chaos, disorder, and pain are inescapable. There is no life lived free from complexity. 2. Drawing closer to my vision, regardless of simplicity, will improve my quality of life. 3. I'll never achieve perfection and always strive for this vision. With only the potential for positive outcomes, I created and completed the survey. The steps I design in response to my result will draw me closer to my vision. I'll survey my progress quarterly and determine if greater simplicity is waiting for me there. Below I share the following for each of the five areas:
Want to try it? I've purposely created each vision with you in mind. Adopt them as your own, complete the survey, and schedule a meeting with me to review your results. Start working toward a greater quality of life alongside me. We can search for simplicity together.
In light of learning about yourself, your survey results will also skew toward your confirmation bias. Whatever you believe to be true will inform your responses. This is one aspect of the survey we can unpack together.
We will also spend some time reviewing your score in each of the five separate areas and designing steps you can take to start moving towards simplicity. Take the survey and uncover how complex your personal life really is.
Dirty dishes clutter the kitchen. Area rugs have been violently thrown off-center by our 2-year-old boxers' escapades. A mountain of shoes - which I often scream about but also contribute to (hypocrisy) - have taken formation by the front door. If you understand, you're in the right place. My home is not all that lacks order. A season of complex emotions, sleepless nights, and apathy make work, relationships, and my personal health journey challenging. The overwhelming disorder seems to taunt me:
External AND internal noise and clutter overwhelm me. I am overstimulated, underperforming, burned out, tired, and DONE! I daydream about simplicity. I envision a peaceful life that simple systems offer, carefully created systems to support my personal goals, home environment, and professional success. I can feel the productivity possible when thriving in an orderly environment that guides me through a structured and well-planned day. I fantasize about clear and healthy boundaries in relationships that enhance my well-being and transform my mindset. Daydreaming is over. It's time to take action! This year I'll attempt a life renovation as I search for simplicity. I will do this while parenting two teenagers, running a nonprofit organization, managing a home, and maintaining healthy relationships (I hope). Sure, it will look a lot like rebuilding a plane while in flight. But, here is the thing about a mid-flight renovation, you never let go of anything essential. Bruce Lee once said, "It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.". Attaining and maintaining simplicity requires a bit of hacking. Where to start? At the finish line!
My search for simplicity extends beyond my personal life to my professional life. However, for the sake of simplicity, I will start this journey with a focus on my well-being, home, and relationships. I have identified five foundational areas that will transform my way of life if simplified. I have created a clear and universal vision for each of these areas. I invite you to adopt these visions for your life and to join me on this journey. 1. Spiritual Health Vision A consistent and disciplined spiritual practice strengthens my tether to the Lord. This deepening connection helps me joyfully fulfill my God-given purpose. 2. Physical Health Vision A keen focus on healthy eating and engaging in physical activities will exemplify love and care for my body and model a healthy lifestyle for others. 3. Mental Health Vision I lead my life with self-awareness, acceptance, and realistic expectations. I seek out support and community as needed and am constantly striving to become a better version of myself. 4. Home Building Vision Consistent and intentional time together strengthens our humility, care, and love for one another. 5. Home Management Vision Simple Systems ensure everyone takes responsibility for their domain and contributes to an orderly communal space. Many steps lay between this vision and where I am now. The Simplicity Survey is a tool I created to measure my progress as I begin working toward it. Want to join me on this journey? Take the survey! Then, schedule a meeting with me to design actionable next steps together. If this vision does not align with your life, create your own. We can use our meeting time to work on this. Concerned about being slammed with marketing emails, up-sales, or hidden fees? There are none! I am not here to complicate things for you. I am a business owner, working mother, wife, creator, and avid volunteer. I am looking for other women leaders and mothers who want to work their way back to a simpler, more focused, and more connected lifestyle. |
AuthorLife is complicated! Complexities are inescapable. Sadly, we make it harder on ourselves than it has to be. We are our own worst enemies. I am a nonprofit Founder & CEO, a mother, wife, avid volunteer, and so much more. I am a visionary, creative expert, and I LOVE learning. I strive for perfection that is non-existent, want to be all things for all people (which is impossible) and carry peace with me wherever I go. This, my friends, is exhausting! Aside from the heightened complications I provide myself, endless choices, opportunities, and change heighten the complexity around me. My Search for Simplicity in 2023 is an authentic pursuit of three specific criteria: my relationship with God, my relationship with myself, and my impact on this world. This blog will be a conduit for me to share my personal journey and the tools & resources I build to support it. I invite you to take part in this journey with me. To access all our tools and resources as they are developed, follow our Facebook Page. Alternatively, you can pop on the site week-to-week for new content. Finally, I am not in this space alone. If you are ready to simplify your life as well, let's connect! ArchivesCategories
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